Guys...I don't know how to say this. Things have been bad. Real bad.

Poor #fakebradley has been hanging on by a thread (of paper). I was urged to move on, get another cutout...but I have to admit, I've become attached. (Plus with shipping, they're kind of pricey). We had no other option. Surgery was scheduled. We had all the supplies necessary. Plus scrubs. They were handy.

Even with all of our preparations...we were a nervous wreck.

Thankfully, the pressure was no match for Ed, who remained calm, cool and collected. And especially handy with tape, velcro, and fake surgery appliances.

#fakebradley is in recovery. All his vitals are good. We expect to see him out and about next week. Keep your eyes peeled.

So, in case you're new here, the book I'm writing is a memoir, aka not fiction. But I thought it would be really fun to take an element of my platform and use it for the twitter fiction festival last week. The result? #FlatBradleyCooper. Feel free to share and/or check it out. And per all things twitter, start at the bottom and scroll up to the top for the chronological feed. Thanks!

So all this time spent writing a book, and I still enjoy reading them! Especially good ones! And I liked this one so much—Happiness for Beginners by Katherine Center—that I wrote a review for it! Seriously. That's a good book. Check out the review here!

#Fakebradley thinks this is funny. I think he's going to scare the kids.

Just want to go on record stating I had NOTHING to do with it. #cooperwaterhousesplit

Look. Whatever happens on the real Oscars is going to happen. But here, at least, Bradley Cooper is winning that Oscar dammit.

So there's all this talk about Bradley Cooper's date for the Red Carpet. Isn't it obvious, people?

Even vacuuming feels glamorous when you're hanging with an Oscar nom. We try to be like regular people. But some days it's hard.

What do you do when you find a box of old formal gowns in the attic? Isn't it obvious? If you're me, you give a #fakeoscar to #fakebradley. 

I don't know how I ended up back here, but I can tell you one thing...it's hell.